How to know if you’re becoming a better version of you

A bigger, more authentic container for ourselves

A few decades ago, I was on the path to becoming a child and family therapist. I had a big dream, which included single handedly saving children and families. I was young. I was idealistic. I was also missing one very important thing, self-compassion. I was certain if I had a large enough container to help others, that eventually I would figure out how to develop one for myself. When I say container, what I mean is holding a space for others as they experience and process difficult emotions and experiences. Like so many caretakers and healers I put myself last. I realized two years into my doctorate program, that my container for myself was empty and if I was ever going to be of service to the world I would need to figure out what it meant to love myself. My adviser at the time told me it was time to take off the super woman t-shirt and dive into self care. He was right. I no longer own that t-shirt. What I own now, all these years later, is an ability to self-nurture and to have compassion for myself. These are the building blocks to creating an even greater capacity to helping others who are suffering. True philanthropy and giving, as I have learned, starts with ourselves.