We put so much effort into dating, don’t we ladies? The plucking, shaving, waxing, shopping, makeup application, and the wondering. The wondering is the worst isn’t it? “What does ‘occasional drinker’ really mean? Does he really look like his profile pic? What if we have zero chemistry? I wonder why his last relationship ended. I wonder if he’s been in therapy and he’s been working on himself.” “God I hope so. I don’t think I can handle another man who has no desire to truly know himself.” As you can see, “the wondering” can go on forever.
After my last blind date I’ve decided to be a little more relaxed. I’ll do all the things I normally do because I find great joy in them, but I’ll do them for that reason alone. I’ll be focused less on what this next match will think, feel, want, hope for and more on staying centered, present, and fully embodied. And by embodied I mean that I have a tendency to float away when I’m overwhelmed.
On my last dating adventure, we were smack dab in the middle of a noisy restaurant staring at each other for the first time. Plates were clattering, waiters were dashing from the kitchen to their respective tables, the menu was ginormous both literally and figuratively. I was trying to pick something simple to eat that wouldn’t make a mess of my makeup all while focusing intently on what my date was saying. The woman next to us had just ordered a large plate of nachos and the cheese had made its way from the chip to her mouth falling carelessly towards the corner of her lip. Did she know she had cheese taking up residence there? Would she grab her napkin to wipe it away? Will her friend be kind enough to tell her? And then there was my dress. It was new. I loved it. But I couldn’t help feeling self-conscious in it. Was it too revealing? How could I be asking this question at my age? JLo owns her curves, no problem, but I still want to hide inside an amorphous swathe of black. Why isn’t this getting any easier? All of these sensations and thoughts swirled inside of me while simulatenously assessing my date — his facial expressions, energy, body posture, and the way I felt in our conversation. No wonder I floated away. It was sensory overload.
So now I’ve decided to pay homage to loving kindness and great compassion. I’ll be jumping back into the matchmaking experience with the goal of creating a much more low-key and comfortable vibe. And can I just say that I love dating in the fall? I can wear sweaters, leggings, boots and all the things that make me feel comfy and beautiful. And that feels like the perfect time to start something new while also letting go of wondering. This new season gives me the perfect opportunity to allow things to unfold in their own time, without all of the anxiety. So stay tuned! I should have my next match within the next two weeks. :) Wish me luck!